Welcome to the first blog of Alcohobbism. I am your intrepid explorer, Dia, and today I will introduce you to the misadventures of drunken gardening. Now, I don't necessarily recommend heavy drinking as in the heat it can decrease the antidiurretic hormone your pituitary glad secretes, and thus resulting in super headachey no good dehydration. That, and I tend to use chainsaws in my gardening, and I'm just not interested in loosing a limb.
Drunk gardening is a term I use loosely to describe the planting methods of the former owners of my garden. There are a few guidelines that they apparently thought were good ideas. First, dig one hole and plant as many plants in it as possible. Second refuse to consider the relative size plants may achieve in the future, thus resulting in my front yard of succulents whose size I have deemed as, bigger than a baby, but smaller than a mini cooper. Exhibit A:
My front yard is a mess of succulents. It's extremely stabby and difficult to weed (the ground cover is lava rock which I have no idea how that 70s throwback ended up in my front lawn, go back to Pompei you bastard! Too soon?). Children fear it, it's probably eaten a few toddlers, but it makes a good moat, no one would ever make it out alive. And someone should probably location scout it for a space movie.
So on a weekly basis, my saintly mother and I get our hands dirty and garden like banshees. It keeps me sane, being in nature, and tearing the shit out of some crazy plants. And I get to use a chainsaw. Win Win!
No comments:
Post a Comment